you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
