yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
