Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
