so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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