I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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