Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
