if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we're so committed to being not committed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
