i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
