the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
