Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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