I want to have your abortion
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
