my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
