my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
