Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
