i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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