i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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