So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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