help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
