Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
