I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
