Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
