My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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