he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
