grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
