He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
