Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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