i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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