OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
