I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
