if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found puke in my bra..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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