i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
