Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
