it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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