am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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