Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
