It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
