it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
