My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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