Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
