The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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