i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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