Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
