Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize