I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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