I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have aggressive nipples.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
