So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
