Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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