I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think a kid would responsible me up
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
