You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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