they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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