smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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