and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
