Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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