we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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