Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
