i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
