but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
