Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
