she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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