its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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