i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
