I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
