farters have to be the big spoon...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
