smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Green mimosas i think yes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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