WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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