I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
a search helicopter?!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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