This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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