So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
