what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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