my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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